This is my idea of a perfect relationship.
Although some of it is idealistic, I still think we need to aim high.
I lived this way for the nineteen years that I was married to Julie
before she tragically died of a brain haemorrhage. And I intend to
live this way when I remarry.
My Perfect
Relationship
I need someone who is affectionate and
considerate, who eagerly desires intimacy, but agrees with me that
sexual intimacy is reserved for life-long relationships.
In the early part of the relationship, you
would want to spend a lot of time talking, walking, picnicking,
getting to know each other (and each other's families and friends).
If we find each other suitable for a
life-long partnership,
You would like
to continue talking, walking, picnicking, getting to know each other
even better.
You would like
our greeting to be a hug and kiss rather than just a “Hello”.
If we were
walking somewhere together, you would want to hold my hand rather
than walk alone.
If we were
sitting together, you would rather sit close than “have your
space.”
You would be
in the relationship not for what you can get out of it, but for what
you can do for me (for I would be in the relationship, not for what
I can get out of it but for what I can do for you).
You would not
keep secrets, but would share your inner thoughts with me (and I
would not keep secrets, but would share my inner thoughts with you).
You would not
ridicule me because you disagree with me or because of my naivety or
ignorance (and I would never ridicule you because I disagree with
you or because of your naivety or ignorance).
You would look
for ways to build my self-esteem (and I would look for ways to build
your self-esteem).
You would
agree that romance, politeness, attraction, passion, affection and
consideration would not cease just because the honeymoon is over. In
fact there is no reason why any of these things ever need to stop,
no matter how old we become.
When I fail in
any of these ideals (which I inevitably will because I am only
human), you would forgive me when I apologise (and I would forgive
you when you fail and apologise).
You would
agree that bitterness is like a cancer that has no redeeming
features and can have no place in our relationship.
Most things are negotiable. After all,
relationships are about compromise.
You would need to be a committed Christian.
On that point, I cannot compromise.
The above item was written in May 2006 when I was single. Since then, I fell in love and married Roslyn. The above writings formed the basis of our wedding vows, which follow:
I will be in this marriage not for what I can get out of it, but for what I can do for you.
I will encourage you to share your inner thoughts with me, without fear of ridicule.
I will continually look for ways to build your self-esteem.
I will never ridicule you because I disagree with you, but will happily allow you to think differently to me.
Romance, politeness, attraction, passion, affection and consideration will not cease just because the honeymoon is over. In fact, these things will continue no matter how old we become.
When I fail in any of these vows, as I inevitably will (because I am only human), I will apologise and ask your forgiveness.
When you fail in any of these vows, and apologise to me, I will always forgive you.
This day, I am giving you my body, my heart, and my desire.
As long as we are both alive, I will cherish you, I will be faithful to you, and I will love you in these ways that I have just promised.