New Start
When Julie died in November of 2005, my life was turned upside down. I tried to depend on God, but he seemed very distant.
Then one day, I had a thought, that Julie had become my god. It wasn't wrong to love her, but I'd been loving her to the exclusion of God. It sounds terrible, and I don't mean that I'd rejected God. It's just that whatever is your preoccupation becomes your god. For some it is money, for others possessions or career. Whatever you devote your time to becomes your god.
I'd originally called this "She Had To Go (for I loved her more than I loved the Lord)", but I don't think that's why God took her. For now, I'm calling this one "New Start". It was written only one and a half months after her death, and I was definitely not thinking clearly, nor perhaps was I thinking correctly.
New Start
I confess my sin,
the command was broken,
My love for God was just a token.
My love for God,
it should have been
far more important than anything.
It was not wrong
to love my wife
more than anything in this life.
But it was wrong
to love her more
than I loved God, of that I'm sure.
I can see
now we're apart,
I've not loved God with all my heart.
My heart was hers,
I do confess
'bout all I cared was her happiness
O Lord heal me,
please bring me back,
help me to love you, keep me on track.
"Love the Lord
with all your heart",
I'm ready now to make a start.
Andrew Host, 23rd January 2006
These poems (and everything else on this web site) are subject to copyright. They are for personal use only. They may not be copied in any way or stored in any form except as a temporary means to view them. They may not be publicly performed or broadcast. For any use contrary to these directions, please contact Andrew Host