This Time I've Been Given Time
By the beginning of March 2020, Roslyn was still hoping for a miracle that would allow her to live, but by this time I was only too aware that her time with me was now short. I began to grieve while she was still alive, in anticipation of the inevitable.
This Time I've Been Given Time
This time I've been given time.
Not a sudden loss - here today, gone tomorrow.
Much more gradual this time.
Time to get used to the idea of loneliness.
Time to get used to the feeling of grief.
Breakfasts eaten all alone,
then washed up and put away as if there was no one else in the house.
Alone on the hard, cold church pew,
far away from the touch that gives me contentment.
Intimacy so gradually diminished,
so it must be, lest pain be inflicted.
But the grieving is real,
even if not fully realised.
This time I've been given time.
Time to get used to the idea of loneliness.
by Andrew Host, 1st March 2020
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