30th April 2020
a week and a day after the untimely death of Roslyn.
Coping - better than I thought I would be at this stage.
Coping with the practical needs of the day.
Getting on with work. Washing clothes. Arranging tradesmen to come in.
Going for walks.
Only occasionally sobbing. Mostly can appear cheerful, crack jokes, laugh at absurdity.
Lonely.
Not lonely for company. I can find any number of people to chat with.
Lonely for touch.
Lonely for cuddles.
Lonely for kisses.
Lonely for smooches.
One moment I think I’m going to be okay.
The very next moment I am despairing that this lonely life is all there will ever be.
Will lips ever touch mine again?
Will there ever be another warm, smooth body in my bed?
Will there ever be stunningly beautiful eyes to stare into - to adore, day after day?
The idea that these things are now only in my past is too horrible to contemplate.
And yet, not my will, Lord, but yours.
I can’t do this on my own.
Music used under license from Freeplay Music, LLC, 1650 Broadway, Ste. 1108, New York, NY 10019 USA - freeplaymusic.com