Grief Again

Why today? Why should I be so prone to spontaneous weeping today?

The ache is so strong. Life seems so futile. I'm doing things every day, but I don't know why I'm doing them. Why bother?

A hope that Jesus will return and make everything right (as mentioned in an article sent to me by sister-in-law Stacy) is a good hope to have, but I don't feel confident that this life can now be anything but drudgery.

Of course I still pray, and I am thankful for the faithful prayers of others, but evidently God will do just whatever he pleases. He is, after all, Sovereign.

I know that I am sliding deeper and deeper into the pit of self-pity that I vowed to stay out of, and I am appalled by my thoughts and my words.