Grief Again

I didn't go to bed unusually late - around eleven-thirty - but for some reason I slept until a quarter past nine. Of course I woke briefly in the middle of the night, around four, as I nearly always do, but it was still an unusually long sleep.

At a quarter past nine, I lay there with my eyes closed for another five minutes or so, wondering why I should get up.

I wasn't hungry. I always used to be so hungry at breakfast time, but I haven't felt hungry for a very long time.

I wondered what would happen if I ate only when I felt hungry. Strangely, my stomach did give a small noise just as I was typing these words at a quarter to ten, but I still didn't feel hungry.

I am ever so hungry for love and affection. I can feel myself shrivelling up, slowly dying. I am emotionally very unwell. I seem to be physically well, and for that I thank God.