My Grief

It took me a couple of days of grieving to get over the reply from my high school love interest. I don't use the word “grieving” lightly. I know what grieving is, and I was experiencing it. There had been such a long time since I first became infatuated with her (27 years), and there was never any completion. We never officially “broke up”. The relationship was just left hanging.

I can see now that part of the need I had was just to let her know how I felt about her. And that's been done.

So now, I have some completion.

Today, Daniel and I had a session with our Grief Counsellor. This is my first visit since March, and it's been even longer for Daniel.

I spent a lot of time talking about my embryonic relationships with women, and how much I needed female companionship. She reiterated what I've heard from so many others, that I mustn't go into a new relationship being so needy. I have to be contented with myself, alone, so that instead of going into a relationship because of the need, I would enter a relationship by choice.

Well I still don't understand how that works. I've never at any time of my life been contented to be alone. I've always needed female companionship. I can't see how I could ever get to a point where I wouldn't need it, and I can't see why it is necessary to get to that point.

The first man, Adam, before he sinned, was in a perfect relationship with God. Nonetheless, God said, “It's not good for the man to be alone.” Now if it's good enough for Adam to need a woman while being in a perfect relationship with God, how can I be expected not to have that need?