Grief Again

I remember so well after Julie died the days leading up to our twentieth wedding anniversary. I was in a bad way, and at the time I described the days leading to the anniversary as being as if a category five cyclone was approaching.

Now here I am again. Instead of it being the approach of a wedding anniversary, this is the approach of the first anniversary of Roslyn's death. My sadness is intense. I am unable to concentrate, unable to feel motivated to do anything. The storm is approaching. Already branches are coming off trees, and anything not tied down will be blown away. It makes no difference how prepared one is, a category five cyclone is going to do damage. And although I am prepared for the anniversary as much as I can be, I am feeling emotionally damaged.

It has been said to me that because of the way I am anticipating this anniversary that it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I am not making myself feel this way. This is how I feel. I cannot change it.