Recently, there have been periods of time when I think I'm going to be okay. I won’t be happy, but I'll cope with life. Then I cycle back into despair and I feel my loneliness intensely. Our counsellor, Helen, on our last visit to her, said that this is normal and to be expected. She said that working through grief meant that there are likely to be emotional ebbs and flows for a very long time, but that the periods of time when I am feeling like I'm able to cope will last longer.
Right now, I am feeling very low. Perhaps, like Christmas, the anticipation of my twentieth wedding anniversary may be worse than the actual event. But the anticipation is getting me very down. No matter how hard I try, I am unable to be cheerful.
Sadly, the day will not go away by being ignored. The nightmare continues.
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