My Grief

Part 8 - Desperate for affection

 

Thursday, 13th April 2006

We survived Julie's birthday yesterday. It didn't feel the same as the anniversary. I'd been predicting that it wouldn't affect me as badly as the anniversary did, and I was right. However, it still forced me to focus more than usual on my loss and what I loved about Julie.

The anniversary felt like a Category Five cyclone. When the cyclone is Category Five, it doesn't matter how prepared the victims are, the cyclone will do damage. Julie’s birthday felt like a Category Three cyclone, possibly downgraded to Category Two. In other words, it was nowhere near as damaging as the anniversary was.

A former colleague of mine who I haven't seen for about four years, dropped into the office for a visit. She hadn't heard about Julie. It was odd having to tell the story all over again.

Since the anniversary, I've been on a date. There’s a woman at Church (the only one who's approximately my age and unattached) who's been hinting that she'd like to go out with me.

I've discovered that twenty-five years has done nothing to make the dating process easier. It took me a week to gather up the courage to even ask her. Then that night, I dreamt about her (in a rather intense way). I felt extremely nervous on the day, and although the evening seemed to go well, I don't think I want the relationship to deepen. How could it anyway? This date was possible only because Daniel was away on a school camp. It will be considerably more difficult to go on a date with Daniel around - not impossible, but difficult.

I'm still afraid of becoming so desperate for affection that I would form a relationship with someone who may not be entirely suitable.

 

Music used under license from Freeplay Music, LLC, 1650 Broadway, Ste. 1108, New York, NY 10019 USA - freeplaymusic.com


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